Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
