why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
