Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
