Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
