I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
