You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Send help, water and tortillas.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
