There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
