Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm like, not good at living.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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