just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
