yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
