he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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