Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
its not stalking. its research.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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