Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
