Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
