i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
