Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
