Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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