he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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