Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
