A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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