The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
