You made me cry and you don't even care
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
