I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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