i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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