"it" just moved
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize