after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
