Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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