If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
