quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
