margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
