My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
