Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
