he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize