My friends, they love my intelligence
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
