Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
