Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
false alarm, still single
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
