What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
