She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
