The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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