How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
