I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
