We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
