Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
