No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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