peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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