Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
