So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Dicks are not precious.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
