Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
