I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
