the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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