I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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