I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
