so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
