While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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