you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
We need a shit load of segways right now
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
