and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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