dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
