I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
