why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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