hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
