i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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