You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I got inside last night via doggy door
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
