Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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