My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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