Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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