1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
