Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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