yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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