guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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