Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
