my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
