I could have mohawked her pubes.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
