There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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