All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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