this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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